


I've been talking in my sleep

by Laurana117



Series: Thorki College Fluff shots [1]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Car Accident, Emotional Trauma, M/M, Pining, farms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-19 21:42:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4762016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurana117/pseuds/Laurana117
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a near fatal car accident, Loki is barely keeping it together. He is wracked with anxiety, guilt and nightmares. After two months have passed and none of his friends have noticed Loki thinks he’s in the clear. </p><p>And then Thor invites him to spend Spring break at his family’s house.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've been talking in my sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Does one ever need an excuse to write?
> 
> I know how devastating and traumatic a car accident can be and wrote about it.

The car crash hadn’t been that bad.

Loki had barely even been hurt. All he had was a broken arm, a few cuts and some bruising. It could have been a lot worse.

Helblindi hadn’t even been hurt.

Loki had hydroplaned at a red light, and as such a car had slammed into their left. Breaking Loki’s left arm and cutting him on the glass. Good thing the other car hadn’t been going too fast, otherwise Loki would have been killed.

As it was, Loki’s arm would make a full recovery in a few months and he was happy about that. He had had no idea what life would be like with only one arm.

All of Loki’s friends freaked out when he came back to college on Monday with his arm in a sling and a plethora of bruises. But after he explained what happened everyone left him alone for the most part.

It was too easy. Pretending that all was well after the accident. He easily kept cracking jokes whenever he was around his friends. Making it seem like he was completely fine.

And why wouldn’t he be? The accident hadn’t been fatal. Loki hadn’t even needed surgery afterward. He would make a full recovery.

So there was no reason for him not to be over it.

Except that he wasn’t over it.

He could barely get four hours of sleep without jolting awake, remembering the sounds of Helblindi’s screams. And the horrible sound of the glass breaking and the metal bending. The airbag exploding in his face and the shock coursing through him.

_I killed Helblindi._

But he didn’t. Helblindi was fine.

But for some reason Loki couldn’t get past the fact that he had almost killed his little brother. Older siblings were supposed to protect their younger siblings and he had almost killed Helblindi.

It didn’t matter that he almost killed himself. It was Helblindi who mattered more.

Byleistr, Loki’s older brother had always been a perfect driver. He had never put Loki’s life in danger. And luckily he had been off at college when the wreck happened. Loki didn’t want to think about what he would say about his failure.

Laufey had been horrible enough. He had screamed and raged at Loki for doing so. But then he had broken down crying.

Farbauti, Loki’s gentle mother had smothered Loki and Helblindi in affection and said that she was just happy they were both okay.

Helblindi had said that he didn’t blame Loki, that it wasn’t his fault and please don’t be upset.

It was too late for that.

Of all Loki’s friends, Thor had had the greatest reaction to the cast and sling. He and Loki lived on the same floor in their dorm, and he saw Loki when Loki was dragging his duffle in.

Laufey had dropped Loki off, but couldn’t stay because he had a business call he needed to take. So Loki had lugged his bag up the stairs one handed.

Thor had seen him and freaked out.

“Loki!” He said as he dropped his laundry basket. “Are you okay?”

Loki smiled at the concern. “Of course Thor. I merely had a more eventful weekend than usual. Can you help me with the door?”

Thor took the duffle bag out of Loki’s hands and helped him get the door open and followed him inside.

“What happened?” Thor asked as he took in the sling and the cuts and the bruises.

“I was in a car accident.” Loki said as he set the bag down on his bed. He and Thor were two of the lucky freshman, as they had singles.

“What happened?” Thor asked. His eyes were wide with concern and he looked like he wanted to touch Loki. But refrained.

“I hydroplaned at a stop light and someone hit me. Not much to the story. I’m alright, although my car was totaled.”

“Oh no.” Thor said with sympathy. “If you need to go anywhere let me know, I’ll drive you.”

“Thank you Thor.” Loki said warmly. He reached his right hand out and held Thor’s elbow. “Now get that look off your face. I’m _fine._ Just a little banged up.”

Thor didn’t look convinced. But he did leave Loki after a few minutes.

“Get some rest.” Thor said seriously as he stood in Loki’s doorway. “You look like you could use it.”

Loki nodded. “I will.”

It was that night that the nightmares started.

Loki got about three hours of sleep in total. Which he guessed would have to be enough.

He managed to stay awake through all his classes, and Sif, the gentleman that she is carried his books whenever she could. Loki liked her. She was a genuinely good person.

By the time the weekend rolled around Loki was exhausted. He had only managed three or so hours of sleep each night, and he was showing it.

“Are you going home this weekend?” Thor asked. He was sitting on Loki’s bed. Loki wasn’t sure why he had even let Thor in, because all he was doing was aggravating Loki’s sleep deprivation headache and taking up space.

A week ago Loki would have been ecstatic about seeing Thor in his bed. But now he felt too tired. Too worn out. All the nightmares were taking up more of his attention than his silly crush on his best friend.

“No.” Loki answered. He was sitting at his desk trying to get it all organized, which was difficult with one hand.

“Why not?” Thor asked.

“I’m too busy. Too tired. And I don’t have a car anymore. It’s a hassle.”

“I’ll drive you.” Thor said. “It wouldn’t be any trouble.”

Loki shook his head. “Maybe next weekend.”

He couldn’t stomach the idea of going home right now. He didn’t think he could look at Helblindi without crying. It was better to stay here. Safe in his little dorm room. Besides, he was so very tired.

“You need some rest. You look terrible.” Thor said.

Loki laughed. “I will try. It’s hard to do everything with only one hand.”

Thor looked at him. “Alright.” He didn’t seem convinced by it though.

So Loki passed the weekend peacefully. He tried to sleep, and managed to get a bit more than usual.

On Sunday morning he noticed that his food supplies were getting fairly low. He would need to ask Thor to take him shopping.

But then he thought about riding in the car to the grocery store and he cringed. He couldn’t. What if they were in another wreck?

So he let it be.

Loki was eating lunch with Thor and Sif when they noticed that he wasn’t eating very much.

“Why such a small portion?” Sif asked.

“Saving money.” Loki answered quietly. “I’m going to have less of it.”

He saw Thor look sharply at Sif. But she dismissed it in favor of telling Loki about all the on campus jobs that were hiring.

The next weekend Loki stayed at school again. The nightmares were still bad enough to warrant him needed two cups of coffee in the morning to get going.

Luckily though, by now Loki’s friends expected that he was better. Loki was getting better at hiding how little sleep he was getting. And his baggy winter clothes were doing a good enough job of hiding how much weight he had lost.

He guessed that it had probably only been five pounds by then, but he had never been very large. And he caught himself in the full length mirror and panicked a little. He hadn’t been this skinny since high school.

He guessed he would need to go shopping.

Loki ended up asking Sif. He didn’t want Thor to see him possibly panic when he was in the car.

And luckily, Sif was a good driver so it was all fine. But he still tightened up when they reached the intersection and fought to keep his eyes open.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah.”

And the weeks continued to pass. Loki didn’t go home any of the weekends, which was odd for him because he usually liked to go home every other week or at least every three weeks.

After a month passed, no one really noticed anymore if Loki stayed the weekend.

And then the second month passed.

Spring break rolled around, a week most people spent partying. Or at least home among friends and family.

Loki’s Mom called the Sunday before. Loki had only texted her a few times over the months, because he couldn’t bear to talk to her for very long. He knew she was sad about it, because Loki had kept a tradition of calling her every Sunday and chatting about his week.

That was something he couldn’t pretend though. He couldn’t pretend everything was alright over the phone when he had lost around ten pounds and could only sleep three or six hours a night.

“Hello Loki.” Farbauti said when Loki answered the phone.

“Hi Mom.” Loki said uneasily.

“How are you?”

“I’m fine.”

“I was wondering if you wanted to come home for Spring Break. Byleistr is going to be here.” Farbauti said.

Loki cringed to himself. How could he answer this politically?

“I thought it would nice to have the whole family together again. I haven’t seen you in a few months.”

Loki swallowed. “I don’t think so.” He said quietly. “I don’t think I can. I’m so tired and I don’t have a car, it’s too much hassle and I need to sleep.”

“You can rest at home.” Farbauti said. “Helblindi and Byleistr offered to drive up and come get you.”

Loki felt his heart twist and tears burned at the corners of his eyes. He hadn’t seen Helblindi since the accident. When Loki almost killed him.

“They should just stay home.” Loki said as he sat down. “I’ve been so tired, I shouldn’t go home. I’ll just bore everyone.”

“Why can’t you come home?” Farbauti asked. “You usually call me once a week. You haven’t called me in two months. What’s wrong Loki? Did something happen up there?”

Loki looked down at his feet. “I just… I don’t think I can come home yet.” Loki said.

“Why not?”

“I almost killed Helblindi.” Loki choked out. “I don’t think I’ll be able to go home without crying.”

“Oh Loki.” Farbauti said. “It wasn’t your fault. There’s no need to be upset. He wasn’t hurt, but you were. You should come home. Everyone misses you.”

Loki was shaking his head furiously as if his Mother could see him. “I can’t. Please don’t make me go. I won’t be able to look at him without crying, and Father and Byleistr are so ashamed of me. I wrecked my car, I should stay away a little longer. So I can learn my lesson.”

“Is that what you really think?” His Mother whispered. “You think that?”

“I don’t know. I just know that I can’t come home right now.” Loki said. He was crying now. “I can’t bear to look at Helblindi, I can’t drive a car. I feel like a failure, my arm is still in this stupid sling, I can’t sleep, and I can’t go home. Not right now.”

He hears his Mother crying on the other end of the line and knows that he has to do damage control.

“But I’m okay.” Loki somehow manages to say in an even voice. “I have some research to do over the break, it will help to get a head start. And I’m sure some of my friends are staying too.”

Loki knows how lame it is to stay at college during the break. And that the campus will be an actual ghost town. But he doesn’t care. The thought of going home and pretending everything is okay, and talking to his little brother is enough to make him want to weather spring break alone.

At least Loki knows that he will be safe in his dorm room. He won’t be driving. Everything will be okay.

“Will you promise to come home soon?”

“Yes.” Loki said. “But not yet. I’m not ready.”

“I miss you.” His Mother said. “Everyone misses you. We want you to come home. I’m worried about you up there. If you’re eating enough. I’ve been so worried about you after the wreck.”

“I’m okay.” Loki said without conviction. “It’s all part of being an adult. I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. Make sure Helblindi is alright.”

“Helblindi is doing great. He was really looking forward to seeing you.” Farbauti said.

“He’ll see me soon.”

He talked with her about a few other things and then he hung up. Once the call was over Loki sobbed wetly for a few minutes. He couldn’t bear to let his family see him like this, all broken up and torn apart.

Loki took a few deep breaths and calmed himself. Everything was going to be okay. There was nothing to worry about.

The next week passed slowly. It was the last week before spring break and everyone was ready to leave on vacations and trips.

Loki met up with his friends for dinner on Wednesday and they all talked about their plans.

“I’m studying abroad in Ireland.” Sif was stating proudly. “I can’t wait to go. I leave Friday morning and won’t get back until Sunday.”

“That’s awesome.” Thor said with his kind smile. “I will be going home. Nothing special.”

Hogunn and Fandral each talked about their plans and Loki zoned out a little.

“Loki?” It was Thor who was addressing him.

“Yes?” Loki asked.

“Where are you going over break?” Thor’s smile was so bright and spectacular.

Loki swallowed. Normally seeing Thor smile like that was enough to make Loki’s heart sore and his stomach fill with butterflies. As he had a huge crush on the guy.

But Loki couldn’t bring himself to feel the love he had just for Thor. He was too tired, too sad and no doubt Thor didn’t return his feelings. After the crash Loki’s crush on Thor had taken a backburner the last two months.

“I’ll be staying here.” Loki said. “I have a lot of research to work on and the library will be nice and quiet.”

There were choruses of ‘no!’ and ‘oh my god he’s serious’ but Loki was firm in his resolve. He knew that he would be better off staying here and away from his family.

Afterward while Loki was walking back to his dorm Thor stopped him.

“Were you serious about staying here?” Thor asked.

Loki nodded. “I wouldn’t lie about something like that.”

“I know!” Thor said with hands up. “I didn’t mean it like that, I meant how important is researching over the break?”

Loki looked at him in confusion. “It’ll be nice to get a head start on some projects.” Loki said.

“Can you bring the books you need to research somewhere else?”

Loki thought about it. “Probably. It just needs to be fairly quiet. Why?”

“I wanted to ask if you wanted to go to my home over the break.” Thor said. “I live two hours away, so it’s not too far.”

Loki blinked. “Really?” He asked dumbly.

“Yeah! My parents really want to meet you. Besides, I think it will be good for you to visit somewhere new. You’ve been cooped up in your dorm room for weeks.”

Thor did have a point. Loki thought about it. It was only a two hour drive, and Thor was a good driver. And he could bring his research materials with him and work on it there.

“Okay.” Loki said. Because even though he was too lethargic to actively crush on Thor, he still wanted to meet his parents and see where he was from. Loki was a real sap at heart.

Thor’s smile was blindingly bright enough to break through the gloom of Loki’s heart. At least for the moment.

“Thank you Loki.” And then Thor wrapped Loki in a gentle hug.

Loki wished he could use his other arm to hug Thor back.

The rest of the week passed, and Loki realized that he was feeling… giddy about going on a small road trip with Thor. He was excited about seeing where Thor had grown up.

On Friday Loki met Thor with his two bags and Thor helped him stow them away in his car and they drove off together.

“I can’t wait for you to meet my Mom.” Thor said as he drove on the highway. Loki was attempting not to stare at Thor with affection all over his face but it was hard to do when Thor was acting all kind and smiling so much. His enthusiasm about going home was almost contagious.

It reminded Loki a little of the family that he was still avoiding, but they were in different situations. Thor had no reason to be ashamed, he was golden and perfect. He had no reason to dread going home.

“I told her you were coming with me and she said she made a bunch of cookies. She’s really excited to meet you.” Thor said easily.

“Has she heard about me?”

“I’ve told her about all of you.” Thor said with a laugh. “But yes, she’s heard the most about you definitely. She knows about your sweet tooth. She also knows you’re a History major, she can’t wait to nerd out about art history with you.”

Loki blinked. “I don’t know anything about art history though.”

“She can teach you about it then.”

Loki settled into his seat and watched the scenery. Asgard was a really small town, from what Loki had read on the internet last night. It was mostly farmers and some small businesses and Loki wondered what Thor’s parents did.

Loki was completely surprised when Thor pulled down a gravel road. And then drove down another gravel road. And then parked in front of a house with a barn behind it. And rolling picturesque fields everywhere.

Thor had never said anything about growing up on a farm.

“Do you live on a farm?”

“Yeah.” Thor said brightly. “If we hurry inside we can make it in time for dinner. My Mom is a real stickler for stuff like that.”

Loki had expected to spend spring break in a suburban home away from the town. Sleeping on an uncomfortable couch and trying to get his readings done.

He had not expected to spend his spring break on a farm with Thor.


End file.
